Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
