Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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