the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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