All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
