Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
