Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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