FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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