Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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