Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Your cock deserves a montage
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
