Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
