He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
