If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
