Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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