So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
