id be glad to
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
