i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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