i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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