If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
where are you?
Hypothermia
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
