I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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