Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
