Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
