We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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