I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
