she smelled like a LAN party
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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