Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
