he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
