Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
