Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
