I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
