She announced her abortion via fbk
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
