OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
