Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
