you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
