You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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