Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
