You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
