miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
