OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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