I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
