I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you win again, gameday.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
