he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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