hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
