In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
