Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
