I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
