i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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