You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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