i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
