i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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