you traded sex for a burrito?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
