NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
